Twas 6 Weeks Before Christmas

Twas 6 weeks before christmas and all through the house
people were extremely angry all because of a mouse
It shit all over the place without even a care
Was not nice or jolly or bloody fair

The parents cried into their hankies and all hung their heads
What to do now when all of their sprogs were in their beds
They all exchanged numbers, made plans for a Sunday night cap
Where they could ponder how the mouse gets away with this crap

It's not the first time he has done it oh so many times before
It is what happens when this mouse gets under your door
He's well known around the world from the UK right to Hong Kong
Just moves in, takes and leaves behind nothing but the pong

This mouse thought he was smart but is really as mad as a hatter
If he thought parents were just like tree baubles easy to shatter
All those mums & dads were onto him though as quick as a flash
He was after MOT's molucated potatoes as he was sick of just mash

A very greedy, fat mouse but with not enough brains to know
We shouldn't judge the mouse its not his fault he's a bit slow
He thought the parent's would just tremble and quake with fear
Just because the mouse jumped out and said he was here

As I said though they knew he was really incredibly thick
Schnizzle even said he'd never before seen such a pr**k
Now the people who kept this mouse had no shame
To them his terrorising of parent was just a game

Now go Polly, go Christies Gal, go Nessy and go BFG
On Tootsie, on Daedy, on Topsy and on OMC
Show that bloody mouse he is not really that tall
Infact faced with this crew he is really quite small

Youngmumkim & oldmanrab had an inkling but needed more proof
She was young and he was just bald and a bit long in the tooth
He always thought this particular mouse was really quite sound
Ignored the protester OMC and her cries of they 'pay them less than a pound!'

She knew under all that fur that mouse never gave a hoot
About all the workers it kept helpless, downtrod and under his foot
All the toys from China it had to send right back
Those poor workers in Haiti he threatened to sack

She wonders if poor Remi ever got that raise to 50 cents a day, was his Christmas merry?
20 Cents extra, he wanted it so to feed and school his kids, not to spend on Sherry!
OMC remembers Remi's lass on Christmas morn how her dad can't afford to work slow
As the most he could earn was 42 cents depending on how fast he could sew

Did Remi make those PJ's below the tree, all carefully wrapped and hid underneath
Is that really a mouse, could he be a little rat are mice supposed to have such big teeth?
As yet another dreamy mouse ad for Christmas bursts to life her telly
OMC can see why some do forget that this mouse is just smelly

So think carefully when you go to his shop as see that toy on the shelf
It was made by another poor exploited parent and not by an elf
There is just one thing that fills this mouse with fear and absolute dread
That kids wont be taking his mousey dreams with them when they go to bed

And mouse you think long and hard before you mess with oldmothercath
She is not known for her happiness but you dont want to see her wrath
Don't mess with my friends mouse now just you let them alone
You have taken enough from them, taken away their home

The British market share was not a right mouse, it was a very big perk
Were are a whole different kind of parent you pompous oversized jerk
Parents not buying your hugely overpriced but cheaply made tat
You mess with this Cath, she drops an H and becomes a bloody big CAT

Now I want you to think carefully on what happened to Woolies and their Lolita bed
Made the Ten o'clock news, all the papers, gave the board a very sore head
Now please take this ditty in the spirit it was truely meant, all in fun and very good humour
Don't you screw with us, Lolita was bad? Just wait and see what we can do with a rumour!


Cath x